


Evil Duck

by sekiharatae



Series: Day to Day Life [38]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Borderline crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:47:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25583845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekiharatae/pseuds/sekiharatae
Summary: Why is the Healin conservatory sending them thank you notes?
Series: Day to Day Life [38]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794073
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Evil Duck

**Author's Note:**

> When I've been focusing on a given story for awhile (I'm currently 12,000 words into an RK fic), my brain seems to need to write crack as a stress relief. Sorry?

"We got a thank you note from the Healin Wildlife Conservatory today," Tifa said as Cloud finished putting his gear away and rejoined her in the bar proper. Taking his usual seat at the counter, he arched a brow in question and then nodded his thanks when she slid a plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes in front of him. "It says something about thanking you for the donation of an 'evil duck'...?" Voice filled with restrained hilarity, she waited for him to explain.

"It capsized Marlene and Denzel's boat, and then wouldn't let them swim ashore." In typical Cloud fashion, he said it matter-of-factly. As if there was nothing at all odd about this story. "I think it pulled Marlene's braid, too," he added after swallowing a forkful of his dinner.

Tifa slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle the snort of laughter his disgruntled delivery provoked. Labeling something 'evil' because it harassed the kids was _such_ a Cloud thing to do, but she hadn't realized he was protective enough to hold a grudge against a _duck_. Maybe it was because he'd let it live? Conscientiously turning it over to the conservatory instead of dealing with it in his usual, more direct method? The WRO _had_ issued several guidelines regarding how precious the slowly returning (non-mutated) wildlife was, and this 'evil duck' had proven even more so. "Well, according to the note they sent, it wasn't a duck." Grinning, she propped one elbow on the counter and rested her chin in her cupped palm.

Cloud paused in his eating and narrowed his eyes at her. "It looked like a duck. It flapped like a duck." He waved the hand holding the fork in a 'there you have it' sort of gesture.

"But I'm guessing it didn't quack like a duck."

Well... no. Technically, it had sort of _hissed_ at them. But it's not like he'd ever met a duck before, and neither had the kids. Hissing could be common. Or at least common to the evil variety–which this one most definitely had been. Given that her cinnamon eyes were sparkling with amusement, however, he figured that wasn't the case, and there was a punchline coming. Deliberately, he forked up another mouthful of meatloaf and resumed eating.

Tifa just grinned wider. "Their ornithologist identified it as a male mute swan. A gray one, which is particularly rare. Cosmo Canyon is ecstatic about the find. He and his little family are creating quite a splash!"

One side of his mouth kicked up in reaction to her obvious delight. "Family? I thought it was just him."

"Once they identified it, they sent people out to check the area where you found it. Males are supposedly only aggressive when protecting a nest."

"And they found one?"

Seeing that Cloud's oh-so-expressive blue eyes had become tinged with worry, Tifa hastened to reassure him. "Yes, and it was undisturbed." The conservatory had included a pamphlet on the recovery (made possible by Mr. Strife) and she slid one across to him. Three rather large blue-green eggs were shown resting inside what was presumably the nest: a four foot tall monstrosity made of what appeared to be thorny brambles, razor weed, and malboro bits. It looked like a small fortress. Honestly, Cloud wasn't sure how a baby bird was supposed to get out of it; surely they couldn't fly that young?

"And the mother?" Pushing the vaguely disturbing flyer away, he finished off his potatoes and stood to rinse off the plate.

Tifa shrugged and shook her head. "There's no sign of one. Apparently that's a puzzle the ornithologists are trying to figure out."

"Hmm. Well, it's nice they're happy. Didn't expect a thank you, though." Leaving the plate in the drainer, he leaned back against the counter and folded his arms.

"Oh, but I didn't tell you the best part!" Turning to face him, Tifa mirrored his pose. "They've decided to name a duck after you."

Cloud was unimpressed, especially since the amusement was back in Tifa's voice. "I donated a swan so they named a duck after me? What did they go with... Quack Strife?"

Tifa's effort not to laugh grew more obvious. "Apparently there's this male lake duck that fights with the swan all the time. And the swan responds with a lot of hissing monologues, and you said it was _evil_ –"

Cloud already had a palm pressed to his forehead, eyes closed as if in pain, but the corner of his mouth twitched against a smile as he realized where she was going.

"–so given his gray coloring they decided to name him _Hissiroth_ –"

Minerva save him, that was even _sillier_ than he'd suspected.

"–and his duck nemesis is, yes, Quack Strife. The kids love it."

Reaching out, he tugged her close to let her laughter play out against his shoulder, his own soft chuckles stirring her hair. "Let me guess," he murmured. "Rufus owns the conservatory, doesn't he?"

**Author's Note:**

> Um... so, someone on the CLOTI discord server mentioned ducks? And I know _**one**_ semi-interesting duck fact, and so I said: "If Cloud is a duck, he's a lake duck." Because of that one semi-interesting fact. I don't even really know why ducks were mentioned, but it just seemed like a thing to say and I said it. And then Senigata called Sephiroth HONKiroth and that somehow made me think about Eddie Izzard and his [Evil Duck bit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1a5noX-VaI). Well, after I stopped giggling, anyway. Senigata then said Seph was a goose, and I countered that he could be a swan because they are pretty but supposedly vicious and then my brain refused to shut up about it. And when I looked up swans I found that the male mute swan will attack people when they approach the nest, and have been known to capsize boats. For real. So, obviously, that's what Seph would be. (Like there is anything obvious about this.) But they don't honk they hiss, so he got a name change. Also, gray swans don't exist, but there's a thing in investing in which a "grey swan" is a possible, known, significant event that is unlikely to happen. Which sounds kind of Seph like? Seriously, just laugh at it and humor me. ^^;


End file.
